I’m sorry it’s taken me several days to update. When I got the call that my beta was negative I didn’t know what to do. I called my husband in tears. I could not believe it was negative. He could not believe it was negative. I’ve done everything I possible can to get pregnant and it’s still a no.
The last few days have been a blur. I’ve had several holiday parties which have been a good distraction but on the other side anything can make me burst into tears. I don’t know what to do and I just cannot believe that we are here.
After 3 IVF cycle what do you do? If I can’t get pregnant via IVF what other chances do I have? None. That’s the chance I have. I am totally devastated right now. My husband is trying to be supportive. He keeps telling me this is just another hurdle that we’ll overcome it and we’ll keep on trying. I’m glad he’s being encouraging but I feel like I’ve hit the bottom.
I’m walking around in a cloud of sorrow. I don’t think we can afford another IVF and what would be the point? If my last two cycles are any indication my eggs suck. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that I probably will never be a parent. Even just writing that has me in tears.
I know everyone probably says it but I would be a good mom. My husband would be a good dad. We are good people so why is this happening to us? I can remember thinking that over 2 years ago when we first went to the RE but I had a lot of hope back then. Now I have next to none.
I really don’t know what to do now. I don’t know where to turn from here. I’m 35 years old and my eggs are awful. My husband is in his mid-40’s. We don’t have much time left and even if we did it doesn’t look like there’s much chance for us. We can’t afford to do a donor egg cycle and even if we could I’m not sure I’d be ready for that.
I am going to have a follow up appointment with the RE in a couple of weeks but I’m not really sure why. I don’t know what he can tell me that will make any of this ok. The truth is I am not ok. I’m not. I keep telling my husband that but he asks what I mean by that and I can’t explain. I’m just not ok and I don’t know if I’m going to be.