Well it’s been several weeks since I’ve written. I’ve had my ups and downs. Some days I’m totally fine while others are so hard. I’m tired of hearing about pregnant people and tired of seeing friends with their kids. My husband and I are older so I think people have finally stopped asking us if we’re having kids. They assume we are not even though we’re still trying.
I wish people wouldn’t announce pregnancies in Christmas cards. Do I really need to open a card to find out you are pregnant? If you don’t want to call or write or let me know before hand we must not be that good of friends. I don’t want a Christmas card and I certainly don’t want one telling me you are pregnant.
Then with the holidays comes children. Everyone is talking about what to get their kids for Christmas. They are talking about all the activities they are doing with their kids for the holiday. It’s painful to sit and talk to people.
I went to a Christmas Party the other night and was actually sitting by two other couples who went through IVF and were successful. As the night went on one of the men asked us to name a tradition we want to pass down to our kids and one we wanted to stop. I played along but it totally killed me to answer that question. It’s just hard at the holidays.
I think about how my baby would now be 7 months. If I hadn’t miscarried last fall I’d have an adorable 7 month old right now and we’d be having such fun at the holidays. It’s hard to think about. It’s even harder when I realize the chance of me ever having a child is slim.