I Didn’t Cry Yet Today…

The last week and a half has been tough.   Hearing that our best option is donor eggs was hard.  The first day or two I laughed and made jokes to cover up how I felt.   Then I joined a website and started looking at egg donors.   There were some good ones and some not good ones but none of them really spoke to me.

I called two different companies looking for rates.  It’s looking like it’s close to $20,000 for frozen donor eggs and a cycle with them.  Why is egg donation so expensive?   Sperm donors don’t get nearly that amount.   I understand women have to go through IVF to donate their eggs but it’s their choice to do so.   I understand paying them an amount of money but charging between $10,000-$15,000 for 6 frozen eggs is INSANE!   That’s not even with any kind of guarantee that I’ll have a baby or even an embryo at the end of it.

I’ve been sad….really sad.   I cry almost every day when I get home from work.  I have nightmares about using our life savings to pay for egg donation and still ending up childless. These are the things that go through my head.  I wake up at 2 or 3 and can’t go back to sleep.  I come out on the couch, open up the donor bank, search for egg donors, and cry.  It sucks.

During the day when I’m at work I don’t think about it and I’m ok but when I come home I’m sad.  I don’t like the person I am right now.  I don’t like being sad, sitting on the couch all night, having trouble doing anything or getting anything done.   It’s not me, it’s not who I really am.  This is what infertility is turning me into and I hate it.

So now we need to think about our options.  Do we go with egg donation which is expensive and has no guarantees?   Do we give up and be childless forever?  Do we just try on our own?

I don’t know where to go or what to do.  I feel very lost right now and my husband doesn’t have much to say.  He says that is a lot of money and I know he’s scared by it, I am too!   But I just don’t know where to go from here.

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10 thoughts on “I Didn’t Cry Yet Today…

  1. thegreatpuddingclubhunt

    It is an incredibly scary thing!! I looked into egg donor and the hubby and I talked about it for a whole evening because there is so much to consider/debate/argue. It is a lot of money :-/

    I hope your path begins to become more apparent and less scary for you both whatever you decide to do.

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  2. Babyscienceproject

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. The benefit of donor eggs though is that you have time on your side. Unlike IVF you don’t have to worry about your ticking biological clock. Perhaps you can take a bit of extra time to come to terms with this, make sure it’s right for you and save up the money you need. You could even consider travelling to Europe (Czech Republic or Spain) if you are open minded about donor anonymity. It’s cheaper here and I know quite a few US bloggers who have done so. I hope you feel better soon X

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  3. Kimberly @ Infertility Unfiltered

    I know sometimes you can feel rushed to make a decision, but there is no rush here. Don’t let age scare you into anything. Really take your time and mourn this part of your journey. Maybe find a support group? I’m only guess that you’ve used Shady Grove, but if you look at their website, there is a tab at the top of the site called Find Recources, then towards the bottom of the screen there is Support group sessions. I’ve only been to one in Rockville (it was just to far away to keep going). I know there are some in Columbia too. Take a look. Thinking about you!!

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    1. 26rainbow Post author

      Thank you. I have been to Shady Grove but unfortunately the closest office is 2 hours away so that’s a bit too far for a support group. There is one at my new RE’s office but that’s over an hour away too. I may look into them though. It’s something I’ve been thinking about.

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  4. flatwhitetogo85

    I’m afraid I don’t know much about anything ‘donor’, but I am very sorry that you’re having to go through this and that you’ve got some difficult (and probably expensive) decisions to make. Good luck x x x

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  5. Patiently Waiting...

    I found out a week ago after our first ivf that I have low egg quality on top of my DOR. I was told my best option is donor eggs and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around it since. I just want you to know I understand your pain and sending positive thoughts your way 🙏🏻

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    1. 26rainbow Post author

      Thank you! Sending you good thoughts as well. Shady Grove is having an online donor egg webinar the first week of February to give information on donor eggs if you want more info on it. I’ve signed up and plan on watching it to get some additional information.

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