The last week and a half has been tough. Hearing that our best option is donor eggs was hard. The first day or two I laughed and made jokes to cover up how I felt. Then I joined a website and started looking at egg donors. There were some good ones and some not good ones but none of them really spoke to me.
I called two different companies looking for rates. It’s looking like it’s close to $20,000 for frozen donor eggs and a cycle with them. Why is egg donation so expensive? Sperm donors don’t get nearly that amount. I understand women have to go through IVF to donate their eggs but it’s their choice to do so. I understand paying them an amount of money but charging between $10,000-$15,000 for 6 frozen eggs is INSANE! That’s not even with any kind of guarantee that I’ll have a baby or even an embryo at the end of it.
I’ve been sad….really sad. I cry almost every day when I get home from work. I have nightmares about using our life savings to pay for egg donation and still ending up childless. These are the things that go through my head. I wake up at 2 or 3 and can’t go back to sleep. I come out on the couch, open up the donor bank, search for egg donors, and cry. It sucks.
During the day when I’m at work I don’t think about it and I’m ok but when I come home I’m sad. I don’t like the person I am right now. I don’t like being sad, sitting on the couch all night, having trouble doing anything or getting anything done. It’s not me, it’s not who I really am. This is what infertility is turning me into and I hate it.
So now we need to think about our options. Do we go with egg donation which is expensive and has no guarantees? Do we give up and be childless forever? Do we just try on our own?
I don’t know where to go or what to do. I feel very lost right now and my husband doesn’t have much to say. He says that is a lot of money and I know he’s scared by it, I am too! But I just don’t know where to go from here.