A Punch to the Gut

So last weekend I went home to my parents for a few family birthday parties.  My husband and I stayed in a hotel Friday night and had a really nice time.  We invited my brother and sister-in-law to play games and one of my husbands friends showed up as well.  It was fun.

The next day we went to my parents house for the party.  As usual I was the first one there.  The next one in was my cousin, who is more like a sister then a cousin.   She and my mom go upstairs and they call me up.  I go up and my little cousin (who is 14) is wearing a shirt to tell me his mom, my cousin, is pregnant.

Cue the gut punch.   She had told me years ago she wanted a second child but her husband said no.  About 4 years ago she said they weren’t going to try because he didn’t want one.  SO I had no reason to believe they would have another one.  Plus my little cousin is 14!  He’ll be almost 15 when the baby arrives.  I couldn’t believe it.  I smiled, I hugged her, I congratulated her, then I ran downstairs to my husband.

I smiled as they told him as well.  He began rubbing my leg as he heard the news.  We both smiled and pretended it was such happy news.  I truly am happy for her, she’s been wanting another one for years.  But it was such a gut punch and no one warned me.  Yes, no one in my family actually knows what we are going through but my parents know I want kids and that I’m getting old.  They should have known.

So after about 10 minutes I grabbed my phone and ran for the bathroom.  As I cried I typed a message to a board of friends who have the same struggles as I did.  I needed support and I needed it ASAP.  Thankfully they all came through.  I cleaned up, took a deep breath, and went back to the party.  The next 4 hours were tough for me.  It was hard sitting there while everyone talked about the baby.

I went home that night really sad.  I cried some more.  The next 4 nights I had horrible dreams and barely slept.   I figured out she was only 6 weeks pregnant and telling everyone.  She hadn’t even had an ultrasound yet!   SHe also announced on Facebook.  I personally think that is crazy that early on, but I also lost my baby at 7 weeks so that might be why.

After a week I texted her and asked her some questions.   It looked weird that I didn’t initially.  I spent 10 minutes texting with her about it.  It’s much easier to text then anything else.  I’ll tell you what, I slept soundly that night so maybe my subconscious knew I needed to talk to her about it and try to give her some support.  She’s so happy and I’m going to try to be.  It’s easier because I live 3 hours away but it’s going to be a rough 7 months for me.

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