I’m freaking out a little bit

I’ve been pretty chill this week.  I started my Lupron on Monday night like a pro.   I didn’t even need ice.  I didn’t watch any videos.   I went into the bathroom, grabbed my supplies, filled the needle, and stabbed it.   I was feeling good.

The bleeding from earlier this week has stopped.  Things seemed to be going well.   My husband bought me a spa day today so I could just relax.  It was wonderful.   Everything has been feeling pretty good (minus my weight gain that will NOT come off no matter how many times I go to the gym).

Now I’m home by myself and mind is racing.  My baseline is tomorrow.  It could make or break my cycle in multiple ways.  FOr starters if the bleeding was my period then I’m delayed another month.  I don’t know if I can handle that.  Being benched for 9 months is way too long when you have DOR.  Then there’s my AFC.   Since my AMH is higher I’m hoping for a better one, but it may be less because let’s face it, I’m old.  I’m 36 freaking years old!

So cue the panic.  I’m freaking out and don’t want to go in the room.  I’ve baked cookies for my doctor and nurse so I know they’ll be gentle with me. The moment I get up on the table is when I’ll have the worst time.  Waiting to hear how many follicles, if I ovulated, if we can continue.   What if they’ve all dried up and I don’t have any left?  I’m banking everything on this cycle.  This is it….this is the end of the road for me.  It has to be the best (well besides attempt number one).

SO tomorrow we’ll know a lot.  Not everything but we’ll have a good idea of how this cycle will go or if it’ll go.   I need to take a few deep breaths and go to bed and then maybe I won’t have to worry about it until tomorrow.


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