Category Archives: IUI

You Want Me to Start Birth Control Pills When??

So it’s been one week since I got my BFN.   It’s been emotional to say the least.   On Saturday morning I had book club.  It was going well until everyone started talking about their kids.  I was really sad and had nothing to say.   On Sunday my brother and sister in law came which was fun. They don’t have kids so that was actually a relief to have them visit.

My cousin had her baby on Monday and I was ok.  I talked to her, talked to my parents, saw the pictures of the baby, and even shared them with my husband.  It was ok.  However, on Tuesday morning I saw a photo of my parents holding the baby and I lost it.  I was really upset because I kept thinking I’d never have a photo of my parents holding a baby of mine.

Then I had my IV infusion and WTF appointment on Tuesday.   My nurse came in and asked how I was doing and I cried it out with her.  You could tell she felt awful about me not being pregnant.   We talked about possibly testing my 2 frozen embryos but for the cost of that I can do an entire frozen transfer cycle so I said no.  She asked me when I wanted to do a frozen cycle and I told her I’d like to do one next cycle and then if that doesn’t work wait until the spring to do another.

So she asks what day of my cycle I’m on, I say day 4 or 5 and she says I need to start birth control pills immediately.  I was like WHAT???  She told me I needed a baseline today to make sure everything looks good, start BCP’s that night, do it for 21 days, then start estrogen.   After I get my period I’ll come in on day 14 to check my lining and on day 19 we’ll trasnfer.  I was not expecting any of that!

I had a ton of questions but it seems like it’ll be a super easy cycle.  I won’t know what to do with myself.  Even when I did IUI’s I did shots so this is going to be weird.  Hopefully I won’t even feel like I’m cycling and I’ll be nice and relaxed.  That’s my hope at least.  I just can’t believe how fast it happened.

So I went into the room and had an ultrasound.  My doctor had two students with him.  One did the ultrasound for about 30 seconds but then my doctor got impatient.  He told her “You whizzed right by her ovary!  You need to stop on that!”  He then took over and looked.  He said I had some fluid in my uterus but my ovaries looked back to normal.  He was all for me going ahead.   Before he left he let me know that with the process they now use to freeze at this clinic I actually have a better chance of getting pregnant.  Apparently the SART data is all from when they used the old process.   SO here’s to hoping my body reacts better to a frozen cycle.

It’s hard to believe in all these years and with 4 IVF cycles I’ve never done a frozen cycle but I’ve never had anything frozen before.   I think it’s going to be nice not having to pump a ton of drugs into my body.  So as of right now we are looking at an early November transfer.

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IV Infusion #3

Well it’s been a whole month since I last posted.    There isn’t much to post when I’m not cycling and I’ve been down in the dumps because of being delayed.   I’ve also been down because while I am so, so happy that several of my friends who have infertility difficulties have gotten pregnant in the last month, it just makes me sadder to think it’s probably never going to happen for me.  I see others who get pregnant on their first IUI cycle or even their first IVF cycle and I feel jealous and sad for myself.  I hate feeling that way but it is what it is.

So yesterday I had my third IV Infusion.  Let me tell you, these things are adding up price wise.   The actual medication is $35 with my co-pay but running the IV and the doctors visit runs close to $300.  When I thought I was cycling in June I figured I’d have 2 infusions, pay $600, and be on my merry way.  Now I’m going to have to have at least 4 and pay around $1200 during the summer when I don’t get a paycheck.  Infertility is so great!

Anyhow, after the fiasco of the IV infusion last time the head nurse got me herself.  I had no wait in the waiting room, she took me right back, and told me to get comfortable.  There’s supposed to be no food or drink in the back but she always lets me bring in something during my infusions.  So I got myself settled and she came in, got my IV running then put in the infusion.

I cautiously asked how the lab was going.  She turned and smiled before speaking so I knew it was good news.  She said as of last week they are on track to be finished the first week of August.  The old filtration system is out and they are currently building the new one which will take 3-4 weeks.  In the process they also convinced the university to buy them 2 brand new, state of the art incubators as well so maybe it’s a good thing that we were delayed.   It sounds like they are updating much of their equipment which can only help my cause.

The nurse then told me that they were repainting the waiting room, getting new floors, and stripping the wallpaper.  They haven’t been able to do it because of cycles going on but since everyone is delayed they are updating the entire place.  It looks great!

By this time my infusion was running and we started talking about my cycle.  I should get a period July 22 or 23 and I will start birth control on day 2 along with my baby aspirin.  I will then call her and she’ll go over when to start the estrogen and the Lupron shots.  I’m so relieved that we are finally moving on.  I’ve been on the bench since November and it has really sucked.  That’s 9 months people and in the land of DOR that is NOT GOOD.  Thankfully my AMH is up so I’m not feeling as bad about it.

I still really wish I was doing this during the summer so if it doesn’t work I’d have some time to process it.  As it stands now, my retrieval will be around the first week of school for my students.  This sucks as I am getting a new aide and a new half time special ed teacher with me.  I hate leaving my kids with people they don’t know, especially the first week of school.

So that’s where we are.  I’m about a week and a half out from starting birth control which will mean my IVF cycle has officially started.  My 4th and final attempt to have a baby.   Looking at my chart this journey has been pretty crazy.  We’ve been trying since May 2013 and have been not trying/not preventing since May 2012.  I’ve been through 3 IVF cycles, 5 IUI’s, 2 hysteroscopies, and a miscarriage with a D&C.   All of that has been since January 2014.

I do think this is the longest time we’ve gone without cycling though so hopefully my body is good and rested.  I’m slightly concerned because I’ve had some pain in my ovary area and am really hoping it’s not a cyst.  I think I’ll lose my mind if I get cancelled due to a cyst.

So, I should be writing again in a week or so with more updates and will be more regular from then on since I’ll be actively cycling and there is always a lot to tell during that period.

IVF #3 is on!

So my cycle started on Friday, just like I told my nurse it would.  She’s out of town until Monday but she gave me directions to get me started until then.   I started birth control pills and baby aspirin last night and will continue these for 2-3 weeks depending on when my appointments fall.   I have 2 days in November I can’t have appointments so they are working around that.

Right now I’m not feeling much about this cycle at all.  It’s like it’s not real.   I’ve already done 2 others so I don’t feel like I’m panicking and I don’t feel like it’s really here.  All my meds are here minus the estrogen suppository.  I’m still waiting on that.  I don’t think it will feel real until I start stimming which is 2-3 weeks away.

It feels like another hopeless cycle, like all 30 of the ones that have come before this one.  Isn’t that sad to say?  That’s how many cycles we’ve been trying.   2 of those were IVF, 5 were IUI, and the rest were on our own.  We also went a year prior to that with not trying and not preventing.   So we are 3 1/2 years into this and I have to say it sucks.

It sucks that every month I still have a faint glimmer of hope.  How can I hope when nothing has worked?   I hate getting my hopes up only to have them crash down around me.   My poor husband is always the one that has to pick up the pieces and I hate that.   It’s not fair.  I hate being down but it’s harder to be up and hopeful and then crash.

So, here we go!  It’s IVF #3 and probably our final chance.   I don’t think I have it in me to go for IVF #4 and I don’t think my insurance will cover it.  My hope is to have 1 or 2 to transfer and 1 or 2 to freeze.  We’ve never had anything to freeze so that would be awesome.

National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)

Yesterday started National Infertility Awareness Week.   I so badly want to post status updates on my Facebook page, shout it out on Twitter, and shares quotes on my Pinterest page.   I think NIAW is such an important time because it teaches those who do not struggle with infertility about those of us who do.

National Infertility Awareness Week

Unfortunately, I am not “out” to my friends or family so I won’t be posting anywhere but here and on Twitter.   They don’t know about my daily struggles and don’t understand what it’s like to be blindsided with an unexpected pregnancy announcement.   They don’t understand that asking me when I’m going to have a baby is like punching me in the stomach.  But I can’t blame them, they don’t know any better.   They don’t know my struggle.

We’ve been on this crazy journey for almost 3 years now.  Three years ago this May I took my last birth control pill.   Two years ago this May I started charting and we really started trying.  One year ago this May we had 2 IUI’s behind us and were looking at IVF in the summer.

This year isn’t much different.   I’ve had 2 more IUI’s and am waiting for June for our second round of IVF.  Infertility isn’t pretty but it isn’t anything to be ashamed of.

This year’s theme for Infertility Awareness Week is You are not Alone.   You don’t know how true that is until you experience infertility.   I was surprised by how many of the women I talk to online, how many other bloggers, experience infertility.   I am currently on 3 chat boards with women just like me.  In fact, 1 in 8 couples experience infertility so why is it such a taboo topic?

Do you want to learn more about NIAW?  Go to the RESOLVE site and learn more about it and more about how you can educate others about infertility.

IUI #5: Cancelled

Today is a sucky day all around.   There is a blizzard outside.   We had an RE appointment at 7:30 this morning and had to travel 1 hour to get there.   Going wasn’t a problem as it hadn’t started snowing yet.

When we got to the office it started to snow.   We went in and I was immediately taken back.  It turns out I was the only appointment today.  The doctor came in and checked the ovaries.  He saw the same follicle in my right ovary as on Thursday but it hadn’t grown at all.   He had difficulty seeing my left ovary so I had to go and drink a ton of water and wait 15 minutes so he could do a stomach ultrasound and look for it.

hope in the darkness

By this point the snow was pouring down. My husband was getting nervous about the roads and I was nervous about the ultrasound. We went back in and the RE saw several follicles in the left ovary but nothing measurable.

He told me he could go ahead and do the IUI if we wanted but if it were him he wouldn’t waste his money.  The lead follicle was 15.2mm and my OPK in the office was positive.  Chances were that it wouldn’t mature into an egg by the time ovulation would occur.  I thanked him for his honesty and we decided not to do it.   He apologized for having us come in with all the snow and sent us on our way.

My high FSH numbers were now really worrying me>  I’d never had this happen before.  My follicles always grow and grow fast.  I always have multiple ones.   Today I had 1 and it hadn’t grown in 3 days.  I’m dreading my AMH levels coming back.  I fear they are going to be very low.

So I’m sad today.   I’m also mad that we risked our lives to get there and my body didn’t cooperate.   It pisses me off. We left the office and instead of going straight home my husband drove to the grocery store.   We bought two bottles of champagne and saw the RE in the market getting food before the storm got any worse.   I’m sure he understood why we were buying booze.

Now we wait.   We wait for my AMH levels t come back and for my next cycle.  At the start of the next cycle we call and will have all of our tests that we need for IVF the next cycle.  I’m feeling much less hopeful then I was before and that sucks. It all sucks.

IUI #5 Monitoring and Bad News

I went for monitoring this morning and was sure I was going to trigger today for IUI on Saturday.  This is how it always is with my IUI’s.

We got to the office late because the roads were crappy this morning.   As soon as I was there they took me back.   The RE looked on my right side and found 1 follicle at 15mm.   He looked on the left side and had a very difficult time finding my ovary.   It took he and a nurse a lot of pushing and pulling and poking but they found it.   No follicles at all.

This was concerning since for the last 4 IUI’s I’ve had 3 follicles.   He told me he wanted me to come back on Saturday for monitoring and possible IUI.   Boo.

He then wanted to talk to me about my blood work from last week.  My FSH levels were back and he is very concerned that the number jumped from around 5 to 14.2 in just 6 months.   14.2 is very high and could mean I have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve).  He’s also worried because my ovaries didn’t produce how they normally do.

He ordered an AMH test to see what my levels are there.   I’m very worried they are going to come back low meaning a diagnosis of DOR.   This sucks as we are planning on IVF in April.  The RE is concerned as well because of my lack of response to Letrozole this time as well as my FSH numbers.

So, a bad day here.  Hopefully I’ll have more info on Saturday, though the AMH levels won’t be back in for 7 days.

IUI #5: Letrozole

Yesterday was my last day of Letrozole.   I’ll say, there are a few things I like about it, and a few things I don’t.   The best thing about taking Letrozole is that I sleep like a baby.   It makes me drowsy and I fall asleep easily which isn’t ever the case when I’m sleeping on my own.   I also respond well to it.

What I don’t like are the headaches I get every night around 7pm after taking it.   I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t had the medication in 22 hours or what, but that part really sucks.

I’ve felt tingles in my ovaries the last few days so I’m pretty sure the Letrozole is working.   Now I just have to wait.   I figure tomorrow I’ll start using OPK’s just to make sure I don’t ovulate early.   The RE wants me to go in for another monitoring on Thursday and I’m hoping I trigger that night for a Saturday IUI since I’ll be driving that way on Saturday anyhow.

The only problem right now is my insurance.  I get my fertility meds through my insurance specialty pharmacy and I’ve yet to get my trigger shot.  Last month I had to run to Walgreens and get a trigger shot for $110 and insurance wouldn’t reimburse me.   I don’t want to have to do that again.

So it’s back to the waiting game and keeping my fingers crossed that I can trigger Thursday evening.   I’ll update again on Friday!