37 weeks + an Ultrasound

Holy cow guys!  I’m 37 weeks pregnant today!  I can’t even believe it.   Little man has been moving around like crazy the last few days and I think he’s ready to come out.

Can I just say how thankful I am that I’m a teacher?  I haven’t had to work since the beginning of June and I’m so grateful.  I’m not sure how I would have been able to work up until my due date.  I’ve had a pretty easy pregnancy but the last 2 or 3 weeks have been rough.  I feel huge, the baby is up and moving throughout the night so I’m having trouble sleeping, and I’m just exhausted.

We did manage to finish the nursery last week so that’s been nice.  We painted it, built the crib, the changing table, and have gotten the Pack N Play, Rock N Play, Bassinet, and Kick N Play Piano built.   I had the nurse at the hospital put in my car seat for me.   All that’s left is to hang pictures on the wall in the nursery and build the stroller.

I did have an ultrasound 2 weeks ago as a follow up.  They were able to guess the weight of the baby as around 6 pounds at that time.  I can’t believe he’s that big!  They also said he is head down and super low in my pelvis so he can come any time.   The tech said he’s actually squished down there and running out of room so I’m hoping he comes sooner then later.  I’m ready to meet the little dude!

As for a name, we still don’t have one.  We do have a list of about 5 names that we are working from so at least we have an idea of what we might call him.  I think it’s probably going to come down to a game time decision once he is born.

As for me, I’m tired.   I feel huge but I’ve gained a solid 30 pounds which is right where my doctor wanted me to be so I do feel good about that.   It’s just now the baby is pushing on me all the time since he’s running out of room.  I’ve been taking some naps which is unusual for me but I need it.  Heartburn is in full force but otherwise I’m still doing pretty well.  I’m getting around, working on things, cooking, etc.

I am starting my weekly appointments this week and they will check to see if I’m dilated at all.  I’m excited, nervous, and just ready for him to be here.  The next time I post I might be a mom!   How crazy is that?   It’s only taken us 4 years but it’s finally here!

Anatomy Scan + Registry

Where has the time gone?  In some ways it’s totally crawling slowly by and we can’t wait to meet this baby!  On the other hand it’s going super fast and we so aren’t prepared for this!   We’ve been dreaming of this for years and suddenly it’s like we can’t get anything done.

I’m currently 22+ weeks.   I can’t believe I’m here!  We had an anatomy scan 2 weeks ago and baby looked good.  In the 50th percentile for most measurements and weighed about 12 oz.  We got to watch on the ultrasound screen for about 45 minutes.  Unfortunately they weren’t able to get a good spine measurement so we have to get another anatomy scan in 2 more weeks.  Not that I mind, seeing the baby is amazing.

We did find out the sex and we’re having a boy!  Cue all the feels.   We are very excited but have no clue on a name.  We had a girl name already picked out but so far nothing has grabbed our attention boy wise.  We’ve got 5 names we think are ok but nothing great.   I’m hoping one of them grows on us or we hear a name that we love.

We started our registry last week and that was an eye opener.  I had a notebook with what we needed, what brands we wanted and such but once in the store we were shell shocked.  We ended up picking out a crib and some diapers and that was about it.  I came back home and did some hard core researching.

We then went to another store several days later and I felt better with our choices.   We still need to pick a stroller and carseat.   I’ve changed my mind several times on those.   I also need to compare checklists and make sure we’re registered for everything.   I’ve hardly bought anything myself because I still can’t believe this is happening.  So far I have a sling for me, a carrier for my husband, a few things of wipes and diapers, and 1 outfit.  That’s it.  We need a lot more stuff!

Anything you love or hate in the way of baby stuff?  Especially stroller and carseat wise?  We also need to get moving on the baby’s room.   I’ve got two tubs in there and I’m slowly moving stuff out but it’s taking forever.  My goal is to have it painted by the end of May and then to have it finished by the end of June.  That’ll give us a 2 month buffer and will be after both of my showers.

I’m very excited about my showers.   My work one will be in May and my family/friends one will be in June.   It’s getting so close!  I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready!

16 Week Appointment

I can’t believe I’m over 16 weeks!   Last week we went for our 16 week appointment.  The doctor looked over our NT scan bloodwork as well as our cell free DNA results.   We came out as low risk for everything so that was really good to hear.

I told work about the pregnancy about 2 weeks ago and everyone is just thrilled for us.  I didn’t realize how many comments people would start making but it seems that once you are pregnant people feel they can ask you just about anything.  It’s a little bit uncomfortable at times and at work it’s hard because the students don’t know yet but people keep asking questions.

My husband and I have also told most of our friends.   I shared with two of my friends at work before sharing with everyone else because we were going out to dinner with them and their husbands.   Going out was so fun and it was super nice because to celebrate they paid for our meals.   I thought that was really sweet of them and totally unexpected.

It feels like everyone is happy and excited for us.  The more people we tell the more real it’s becoming.   I’m still not feeling the baby move but the doctor said it’s early.   I don’t have much in the way of a bump either although over the last 5 days something is happening and I look like I’ve eaten too much.   My guess is I’ll have a full blown bump here in the next week or so.  But for now, you can’t tell that’s what it is, it just looks like a food belly.

We still haven’t done anything to prepare for the baby.  I know it’s still early but it just doesn’t seem real.   We do know which room will be the baby’s but that’s about it.  It’s still the guest room for right now.  I just started reading a pregnancy book last night.  We haven’t looked at any furniture, car seats, strollers, etc.   I’ve been asking friends for some recommendations but that’s about it.   I’m guessing we’ll have to at least look at furniture within the next few weeks.  I’d like to be ready in case the baby comes early, even if it’s only the room is finished and we have a car seat.

So what do you do to prepare for a baby?   I have no clue.  On my list is to go look at furniture, look at car seats, and register.   I asked the doctor about taking classes and he said they’d talk to me about that later on.  That made me nervous as our next appointment is at 20 weeks and we’ll be halfway through!   Classes are something I wouldn’t mind taking early because it’s not going to hurt anything to have some knowledge.

But back to my appointment, there was a 3rd year med student that came in first to look at me.  She used the doppler and had a hard time finding the heartbeat.  Normally I’d be worried but she was only a student so I didn’t let it bother me.  The doctor came in, answered my questions, and found the heartbeat right away.  It was 148 beats per minute.  Everything sounded good.

He also drew my uterus on my belly to show me how big it’s gotten.  He then labeled it “ute” in case I wanted to do show and tell with anyone later.  He’s a hoot.

So now we wait for 20 weeks for the anatomy scan which will tell us gender as well as how the baby is growing.  We also need to get started thinking about the nursery, our registry, my maternity leave, what we are doing after the maternity leave, etc.   There’s just so much to think about and there is no “to do” list I can find out there of what has to be done.

So question for everyone, what are the 5 most important things I need to buy for this baby?  What are 3 things that are a waste of money?   What is the most important thing to get done now?

First OB Appointment

Well, nothing is easy.  Our first OB appointment was scheduled for Monday.  I woke up Monday morning to 3 inches of snow and a 2 hour delay at work.  Upon looking, every district between here and the 60 miles away where my appointment was had a 2 hour delay as well.   We made the decision to cancel which really upset me but turned out to be for the best as all schools closed for the weather.

When I called to reschedule they told me the next available appointment was…FEBRUARY 27!  WHAT?   I was really upset.   The woman asked if it had to be that office and I said it could be the other office if the appointment was sooner.  Turns out he was available on Thursday at the further office (about 70 miles away instead of 60) but I went with it.

We got to the office right on time.  It’s brand new and was super nice.  There was no wait to check in and they came for me right away.  I filled out paperwork, got my weight and my blood pressure.  They asked for a urine sample but I told them I already went since I didn’t know.

I was led back into a room and the doctor came in. He’s around 70 and totally hilarious.  He put my husband and I at ease immediately.  He jokes, told stories, and answered questions.  Then we had the exam.

He did a breast exam and a pelvic exam.  He also did a swab for some test.  He said that he could feel my uterus which it was a little early for but it was ok.   They weren’t doing an ultrasound since I’ve already had 3 which made me sad.  I think he knew it because he hooked me up to the doppler instead and we were able to hear the baby’s heartbeat which was reassuring.   He said I looked good, my uterus was fine, and he’d see me in 2 weeks for my NT scan and 4 weeks for another check up.

He spent about an hour with us.  He was funny, pleasant, and we were happy we chose him.  Unfortunately on the way out the door they told us he’s leaving in May.  We were so sad!   I thought this would have been the perfect person to delivery my baby because I’m a spaz and he’s so calm.  So we’ll have to switch to someone else in the practice later on in my pregnancy.

After that we went down to get bloodwork.  I also had to give my urine sample.  I got my results from the bloodwork already and everything looked good so that makes me feel better.   So now I just need to wait for 2 weeks to have the NT scan and I’ll be feeling somewhat better.   I can’t believe that this might really be happening!

We’ve done nothing to prepare because I’m to scared too.  I’ve gained 4 pounds in 11 weeks and 1 inch on my waist.  So pants are beginning to get tight.  I guess I’m going to have to buy some maternity clothes sooner then later.  We will be telling my family next week and I can’t wait!   It’ll be like a huge weight has been lifted that I can tell them. Then we’ll tell friends shortly after that.

10 Week Ultrasound and Infusion

I am 10 weeks exactly today.   The lack of symptoms has been a little worrisome but I’ve been trucking along.  I’m exhausted and go to bed around 9 every night and I sleep through the night except to get up and go to the bathroom once or twice.  I’ve had several awful headaches at night as well but I have had little to no morning sickness.  Occasionally I get nauseous when I’m super hungry but that’s about it.

So today I went in for my ultrasound.  I had flown on a plane last week and was nervous about this week.  Sitting in the room made me start getting nervous.  When the doctor came in he came in with my nurse and a student.   My husband and I looked at each other.  The last time a student came in for an ultrasound it was when I found out about my loss and I think the girl was as devastated as we were.

This time we didn’t need to worry.  As soon as he got the probe in we saw the baby…and it was dancing!    I mean, the babies feet were really going in there!   I started laughing and my husband was smiling.  It was so cute.   Then he focused in on the head and baby was sucking its thumb!   This kid is going to be like me because I’m always on the go and was a huge thumb sucker (just check out my overbite).

We listened to the heartbeat again and it was at 163 beats per minute and was measuring right at 10 weeks.  SO things looked good!   This was my last official appointment with my RE’s office which made me sad.  However, I still have to go back for at least one more, if not two, infusions.

My infusion today was fine.  My arm is a little sore and red but otherwise it went fine.   The nurses were so nice and they all came in to tell us how cute our baby was 🙂  SO all and all it was a great appointment.

Next appointment is on Monday at the OB office!   We’ll be meeting our new OB/gyn since we need someone attached to the hospital in that area.   I like my current OB/gyn but do not like our hospital in town so we won’t be delivering here.

A Quick Update

So I’m been seriously busy this month.   Work is kicking my butt as I’ve had a training or series of meetings every single week so I haven’t had much time with my students.  It’s driving me crazy!   I’ve also had a lot of baking orders so I feel like I’ve been running.

This weekend has been more relaxing.   Today is my last birth control pill so I should be getting my period in the next few days and then I’ll call my nurse and start my oral estrogen.  I have an appointment on the 18th for my 5th IV infusion.   That’s about it!  By my calculations I should be transferring around the end of October.  I can’t believe how relaxed this transfer will be.

I’ve also decided I need to take control of my weight.  I’ve gained over 10 pounds since May and it’s ridiculous.  I know it’s from being on birth control and cycling but usually I can drop the weight quickly and it’s not happening this time.  It might be because I’ve been on birth control pills every other month but who knows.  I’ve been doing a lot of exercising and I’ve been counting calories and I hope to have at least 5 pounds off by my transfer.

Funny story about going to my yearly gynecologist appointment.   The nurse was super young.  I go through my history with her, tell her about IVF, etc.   I tell her I am on birth control for this month only because of my frozen transfer.  She looks at me and asks what i do for birth control the rest of the time.  I pretty much laughed in her face and said, “Honey, if 2 doctors, a nurse, and my husband in a room can’t get me pregnant, I don’t think I really have to worry about that.”  She just stared at me and had nothing to say.  I mean really?  I just told you I’ve done 4 IVF cycles and can’t get pregnant.

Later on the doctor comes in and she talks with me about infertility a lot.  Asks how I’m handling it, wants to know how I’m feeling, and she gets it.  When she goes to do my exam she asks if it’s weird just having her and the nurse in there.  I laughed because she knows my RE is at a teaching hospital and there is always a crowd in with me.   I told her it was nice not to have an audience.   Funny the big difference between the doctor and the nurse.

So, I guess I’ll start estrogen later on this week!

I Can’t Believe It (beta update)

Well here it is the 14th.   I did go beta or bust surprisingly.   I’ve been spotting since Sunday so I didn’t have a good feeling and told my nurse this.  She assured me it’s normal but I know better.  With my only pregnancy I had not one symptom and certainly no spotting.  I think my body is just done.

SO I got an e-mail around 11 asking if I wanted a call or e-mail.  I opted for a call.  My nurse called me right away and told me she had bad news.   It’s a negative.   Even though I was 90% sure that was the case I was devastated.   Her voice caught and I thought she was going to cry but my voice was totally flat.  I was in school after all and couldn’t let the kids see me upset.   I said I was ok, I knew it would be negative, it was fine.  Inside I was dying.

My nurse apologized no less then 5 times.  She was very upset for me, I could tell.  I was upset too but didn’t want to show it.   She told me the doctor would talk to me on Tuesday when I come in for my infusion. My only consolation is I have 2 frozen good quality embryos so I still have a chance.  I’ve never done an FET because I’ve never had anything to freeze.

I know I’m rambling.  I’m not going to lie.   I haven’t had a drink in 7 weeks and I’ve been drinking since I got home.  i can’t handle this.  Everything was in my favor.  My lining was gorgeous.  My embryo was very good and the embryologist said it looked great.  I had two to freeze.  Everyone thought this was it.  My nurse even said that to me.  She said she thought this was it for me.  Everything looked better then anytime before and everythign looked good.  She thought it was in the bag.

Turns out it wasn’t.  My body hates me.   I’m so tired of all of this.  9 medicated cycles later and  I am still childless.  I don’t understand why this is happening to me or why I can’t have a baby.  I’m a good person and I’d be such a good mom.   I have a ton of elementary school students and some call me their school mom because I take care of them.  Some ask if I can be their mom.  I love my students but I want a child of my own.   I just don’t think it’s going to happen and I can’t handle it.  I really can’t.  I’m over destroying my body, my mental state, and my relationship with my husband.  I hate every minute of my medicated cycles.  They turn me into a crazy person that I don’t like.

To make matters worse my cousin is having her baby on Monday.  What in the heck am I supposed to do?  I really thought I’d be pregnant by now so it wouldn’t bother me but now I’m not sure I can handle it.  I’m not due to go home until Thanksgiving but everyone will expect me to go home and see the baby before then.  I’ll be honest…I’m not sure I can without losing my shit in front of my entire family and I can’t do that.   I’m already a mess anytime my mom brings up a baby or adoption.

So after the call I took a planning period.  It was my reading group period but since my groups don’t start until next week I grabbed my keys, my purse, and ran to my car.  I made it without crying.  When I got to my car I started bawling.  I called my husband.  He stayed on the phone with me for 30 minutes while I cried and had major issues.  After 30 minutes I went bakc to school.   I got myself together, got in the building, and ate by myself so I could get it together.   It was an awful day.

I’ve been ok at home until now.  I’m crying as I write this knowing I probably won’t ever be a mom and I can’t handle that.  I will be depressed until I die if I can’t have a child.  I don’t know what to do.  I know we have two frozen but my clinic has a horrible FET success rate.  Other news?   I go to my OB/GYN in 2 weeks.  I might call her out on seeing her at the RE.   I can’t handle having her if she got pregnant and I didn’t.   I don’t know what I’m doing.

I’m going to sign off for now because I’m a mess.   It’s been a rough day and I expect the next few days will be bad as well.  I planned a good weekend just in case so my friends are coming over for brunch Saturday and my brother and his wife are coming Sunday so at least that will be good.

I Think My Body Hates Me

I think the title of this post says it all.  Today I’m supposed to start my Lupron for my cycle.  I’ve been ready to go for the past week. Everything was going well until I woke up Saturday morning and realized I was bleeding.  Now I’ve been on the pill for the past 2 weeks and am supposed to take it until Friday.  I’ve had spotting before but Saturday was like full on period.

I of course panicked and wrote my nurse who told me to keep her updated on what was happening.   I wrote her back Sunday and said it was still bright red but it wasn’t as much.  At this point I was a wreck because this cycle has already been postponed twice and I cannot do it again!

So I was feeling sorry for myself all weekend and of course it was my cousin’s shower so I was feeling even more sorry for myself.  My sister-in-law helped at the shower though.  She and I stayed occupied and talking in the kitchen for most of the time and I actually had a decent time.   I’m glad it’s over though.  Baby showers are no fun when you are infertile.  Especially when people keep saying how cute everything is and showing you each item.

Back to my issues, I spoke with my nurse this morning and she said she’d talk to the doctor and see if I needed to come in for a scan or if I’m starting meds.  She called me about an hour ago and said to start the Lupron!  Apparently it’ll shut down my system even more then the birth control pills did and they should stop my bleeding.

So, we start the Lupron tonight.   I have my annual gynocologist appointment tomorrow (if my bleeding has stopped).  Then Friday I have my 4th IV Infusion as well as my baseline!  I’ll get my protocol that day and they will tell me if I’m a go or if we have to cancel.  I’ll also see my AFC.

I’m really nervous to see what my AFC is.   Now that my AMH is back up I’m hoping it’s a lot!  The last 2 cycles (my not so great cycles) I’ve had an AFC of 12 and 13.   Both cycles yielded 10 eggs.  I’m hoping for a few more eggs but I know in the end it’s the quality not the quantity that is going to matter the most.  I’ve only had 2 fertilized the last 2 cycles.  My first cycle I had 10 fertilized so I’m really shooting for 4.  That’s my magic number this time and I’m hoping it’s realistic.

So I’ll know on Friday whether or not I can start my cycle.  I’m really, really hoping that I can and we get this all going.  I’m very nervous about Friday and I hope I can calm myself before then.  I’m going to try and get my husband to go with me for this infusion so we can go out to eat and maybe go shopping afterwards.   That way if it’s bad news I can just eat and shop it away.

Test Results

I went back to the OB/GYN at the end of January.   I again spoke with the new female doctor.   She brought me into an examination room and pulled out all of my test results.

Sitting there in the exam room I felt very nervous.   On one hand I was hoping that they found something so we could fix it and move on.  On the other hand I was hoping that nothing was wrong.

She told me that all of my bloodwork was normal.  She gave me all of the levels but at the time they didn’t mean anything to me.   She then let me know that the results of my HSG were normal as well and my tubes were clear.   All of this was good news but it didn’t explain why I couldn’t get pregnant.

Then she got to my husband’s SA results.   As it turned out all of his numbers were within the normal range as well.  As far as she could tell there was no real reason why we couldn’t get pregnant.  She then told me that I needed to keep my RE appointment.

I left the office in confusion.  If all of our test results were normal why couldn’t we get pregnant?   If this was the case would we ever be able to get pregnant?   I was sad and confused and wanted to get home quickly so I could discuss the results of my appointment.

Now we just had to wait 2 more weeks to see the RE.

My first OB/GYN appointment

I arrived at my OB/GYN office in December at the scheduled time.  When I arrived the receptionist asked if I’d like to speak with my regular doctor or the new doctor they had on staff.  I replied that it didn’t matter, I’d take whoever was available first.  They took me right back and set me in the room.

Five minutes later a woman walked in and introduced herself.   She was awesome.   My OB/GYN is a male and while I think he is fabulous, it was so much easier to have this conversation with a female.  She asked me a lot of questions about my cycles, my family history, etc.   She then asked what I’ve done to try and get pregnant.

After hearing I’d been charting, temping, and using OPK’s she told me that she thought it might be time to see an RE (reproductive endocrinologist).  I nodded silently and she went to find out where people went since we didn’t have one in our area.  When she returned she had a large folder full of information.  She handed me a number and told me to call for an appointment.

Then she talked about all the testing that needed to be done.  She could write me up for day 3 and day 21 lab work as well as an HSG.  The HSG couldn’t be scheduled until I got my period because it has to be done in between your period and ovulation so I had to call once I got my next period.   She also wrote a slip for my husband to have a semen analysis.

All of these things could be done in the next month.  She was fairly certain it would take several months to get in to the RE so in the meantime I felt like we at least had a plan.   I walked out of the office with mixed feelings.   I had somewhere to go and someone to help me, but I felt really sad that I wasn’t able to get pregnant on my own.   I didn’t want to tell anyone what was going on because I felt ashamed.